I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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