who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
