Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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