Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I want a musical about memes.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
