Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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