all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
