So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
