I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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