I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
