How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
