somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
