check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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