That's intense
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
