So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
