i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
