no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
