remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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