if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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