So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I came so hard my ears popped.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
