dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
