I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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