We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
