Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
