Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
