We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
