I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
