Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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