fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
