And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm both gender and math confused
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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