I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
