The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
