There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
