Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
