mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
