She's JV to your varsity
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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