I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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