Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
