Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
