Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
