He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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