I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
