I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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