This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
