All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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