I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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