Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize