I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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