brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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