Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
