I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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