Dude my mom stole all your condoms
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
