he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
