he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
