Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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