Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
