Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
