If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
