Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
