I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
