she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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