Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
