I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
