I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
