Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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