You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
