i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
